an old catalogue of quotes.

So, it occurred to us today that we have been concealing a long history of marina's genius from the world, so we have decided to present marina's quotes from last year. a nearly complete collection:

“When it pretty much comes down to it, I’m too lazy to do anything.”

“I’m not sure how I got in, cuz I’m really kind of retarded.”

“Russia’s really big. It’s like a monster!”

“Would you like to smell my carpet?” [also: i would like to point out, this happened ALL the time]

"My tongue burns with pleasure.”

Kate: I really like these peppermint cookies.
Marina: They are.

“I honestly am just like a laundry whore.”

“Do I taste like the sorrows of the motherland?”

“You know what I have discovered in life? If you actually do work instead of complaining about it, you have a lot more time for sleeping.”

“You have a really bad after taste”
“Your mom has a really bad aftertaste… that would be funny.”

Kate: I don’t like American cheese.
Marina: As opposed to what, heathen cheese?

“At least I’m good at puzzles.”
[explanatory note: she is terrible at puzzles]

“And the fun thing was, I had a White Russian. And I’m a white Russian, so it was just cool.”

Marina: Isn’t Vietnamese a type of Asian?
Josh: Yes, it’s a flavor.
Marina: Would you say it’s cherry flavored? or grape-nut flavored?

“I don’t make fun of people. Except myself. And crippled people.”

“What am I doing with these? [holds up jeans] They do not live in the bathroom.”

On hair:
“I think furry implies cute. Like it could be on their chest, but pink or something.”

“My mom thinks gay people need to be cured.”

Marina: Wait, are your parents really religious?
Kate: Um, yeah
Marina: Like, normal religious or like, Bible-thumping religious?”

“Do you have to be able to speak Jewish?” (asking what occurs at Seder)

“I didn’t think you learn English in the country—they teach you farm growing or something.”

“We should go to prison so we could watch Emma.”

“Wow, I just got a nut stuck in my cleavage…I’m always getting shit stuck in there... I had matzo in there like all of Passover. I would check, and it’d be like, wow, there’s pieces of matzo in there.”

“It’s not south like ‘y’all,’ it’s south like ‘hola.’”

“It’s my fucking bee.”

Anna: I’m hungry.
Marina: Me too. Can we eat tomorrow?

“It’s been raining nonstop…it’s like God is menstruating or something.”

“You cut me to the queak.”

“Sometimes I don’t have very much control over my verbal spewage.”

On the Mormon Tabernacle in San Diego:
Marina: Isn’t it beautiful? I’ve been inside it, but not in the biblical sense.
Kate: What you do mean?
Marina: Like, I didn’t have sexual relations with it.

Marina: Hey guys, do you know if sinks are made of metal? Because my phone was attracted to it.
Anna: Your phone is attracted to things?
Marina: Yeah, I was taking a handwash and I felt something thrust forward and it wasn’t my penis. Because I don’t have one.